Sunday, October 15, 2006

Boredom is the milonga of my loving heart

El aburrimiento es la milonga de mis amores
(Boredom is the milonga of my loving heart)

Things are very exciting while your infatuation is at its height. You both have sexual energy and affection to burn in the beginning, so it's easier to remain on your best behavior for some time. However, any repeated stimulus eventually evokes a reduced response, there is no way to sustain the romantic energy of a new relationship at its most thrilling pitch. There seems to be a limit in the range of 30-36 months. In other words, the high, exciting, amorous phase of any new relation very seldom lasts more than three years for either. The problem is, it takes more than three years to learn Argentine tango. So when you have the technique, the passion can be over. One can change partners, but that to gets frustrating. Or one can focus on the technique and forget the passion, but this does not feel like the true thing.
Boredom and passion in dancing tango?
Maybe there is no dilemma ...

El amor es más practicado que la pasión.
(Love is more practice than passion)

I've come to believe that a main motivation for cheating is boredom. It adds instant drama to anyone's life. I think most often infidelity finds its way into a relationship that's in desperate need of change.
It says...
there is more than sex going on.
In fact,
sex that has no dramatic context carries little or no erotic input.

El aburrimiento es el comienzo de una gran aventura.

Our therapeutic culture "solves" the conflict between the drabness of the familiar and the excitement of the unknown by advising patients to renounce their fantasies in favor of more rational and "adult" sexual agendas. Therapists typically encourage patients to "really get to know" their partners. But I know that "knowing isn't everything". Eroticism can draw its powerful pleasure from fascination with the hidden, the mysterious, the suggestive.

Till the sex is passional, all goes well...

But life is a simple and complicated story, one can predict everything except the emotions. Boredom is a real reflexion on the object of desire. The apparent passivity of the woman can become a force which leads the man to total dependence, thus reversing the initial positions. It is the failure of fusion. Even in the pleasure, in the carnal act, there is no fusion. There can be an illusion of dancing, but each one is returned to its own loneliness. His story, he is depressed but one adapts. So after one catastrophic night, he gives up sex in order to be in a Freudian sublimation of his desires. Now, all is like a play for him. One day, a dark eyed girl he crosses captures his attention and misleads his boredom. He follows his stimulus-hunger, this will be a point of no return. Consequently, he is not the same any more ... He becomes her lover but it is rather an enlargement of himself. He slips gradually of a passional lover towards a jealous and possessive man. He will quickly realize that one does not keep long a girl in a cage. Also for her, boredom is a real reflexion.

Looking away...

Everyone knows what is to be bored. The polemical character of the feeling to be bored thus comes never from its nature, but from its acceptance. In other words, as from the 17'e and 18'e century, one understands the word, but the thing is disputed. Essential boredom translates a major vacuum. To be it, an abyss, a bottomless pit of the conscience which can in the long term summarize a tragic experience of being nothing, nothingness. Boredom ties bonds with the melancholy, with the evil of the century, l'air du temps. The melancholy however, finally can accept the idea of a certain pleasure, fact of daydream and hope.

The new boredom is more of libertinage spirit. Libertinism is a form of freethinker philosophy. Libertine has come to mean one free from restraint, particularly from social and religious norms and morals. The philosophy gained adherents in the 18th and 19th centuries, particularly in France and England. The new annoyed could not appear in 16'e century, because the cultural framework necessary to its expression did not yet exist. It could not be the postulate of a philosophy of the absurdity or nothing. The 19'e century, on the contrary, manages to use it in this direction. First evil of the century is that of the first romantic generation. To be bored is then at the same time a distinction and a curse of the artist. Nothingness, ennui, can live the heart of the philosophical or ideological systems.


One can imagine Gustave Flaubert,
sitting at a table in a salon, writing Madame Bovary...

Madame Bovary was published in two volumes in 1857.
Emma Bovary is married to Charles Bovary, a physician. As a girl Emma has read Walter Scott, she has romantic dreams and longs for adventure.
"What exasperated her was that Charles did not seem to notice her anguish. His conviction that he was making her happy seemed to her an imbecile insult, and his sureness on this point ingratitude.
For whose sake, then was she virtuous?
Was it not for him, the obstacle to all felicity, the cause of all misery, and, as it were, the sharp clasp of that complex strap that bucked her in on all sides."

Article from Tango-E-Vita

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